What is your relationship with God like?

Sometimes, I am really angry with Him. Sometimes, I am just fed with. Sometimes, I am sure he chooses to exercise selective hearing where my prayers concerned. Sometimes, I don't want to plead for any help because I have given up on his speed of response. There definitely are hiccups in our communication!! However, there are occasions when I am downright grateful to Him for every little thing in my life. Though, I do wish he could be more indulgent of me as a young child instead of treating me like an adult and letting me learn from my own struggles. I want to be pampered a little!! Hellooooooo! I hope you are listening. I don't want to be spoiled rotten by having every whim and fancy satisfied but it wouldn't do any harm to have a few WANTS met at the click of his fingers. He is strict parent with me. I have grown up stronger, wiser and kinder because of the way he has brought me up. I know that and I appreciate that. But just as a child thinks ,at times, I feel that others have a more understanding and nicer God who give in to their whims more often. So, its a complicated relationship between the two of us just as between any parent and child, till I decide to grow up.

Are you a generous person?

 For some it is coded into their genetic material to be giving in both spiritual and material terms. However, most of us struggle in our lives trying to be generous. To be truly able to forgive and forget indiscretions of others and share your resources, one needs to be wholly emotionally strong and materially content. This is easy if there is mutual love, liking and respect. But what if the relationship is fraught with troublesome issues of perceived expectations from certain roles that we play in our lives. How does one deal with trying to be generous when there is a steady, continuous assault on a regular basis in some small way or the other on our self image as a good human being. The first instinct is to react and confront in justifying your position as the righteous one. But if we do not to follow that path then one option is to take refuge in our ego and say that we shall do the politically and morally right thing to have the moral upper hand . The other option is to emotionally distance oneself from the situation and do the best one can of what is expected, with the view, that you do not want to carry the negative emotional baggage and stress that comes from being small minded. I think though the first is very tempting the second option is tougher because it pushes us to be ungrudging and magnanimous without the emotional self- fulfillment and joy of giving and sharing unstintingly, from the heart. It is a small step in the long journey of learning to be generous without expecting something in return.

What is love?

As I sit with a cup of tea in my hands Alka talks and pours her heart out. I don't know how to comfort her and I just sit there, listening. I grieve for her as she remembers her husband and can only try to empathize with her feelings of loss. The bewilderment she faces every day in the morning when she sees the empty other side of the bed is a reminder that its a blessing to have your loved one to snuggle upto. As evening approaches she crumbles emotionally knowing that he is not coming home,ever again. So we have a lot to thank for that we are waiting for someone to come home.She fears what the future holds for her and wonders how she will face the difficult times ahead, all alone. Most of us are lucky to be able to plan and look forward to the future with our partners. Being together gives strength to be able to face life's challenges without fear and lonliness. We feel cared for, protected and cherished. Gazing at his photograph she proudly tells me how he always encouraged her in her hobbies and wanted her to look smart and pretty. It's indeed awesome to have someone special in whose eyes you can see the full potential of the person that you are meant to be and can become. Someone who has more faith and confidence in you than you yourself. It's difficult to define love attempted to but I have attempted to describe it so that we know when we are lucky in love.

Remember some experience which uplifts you?

An evening with just the right amount of chill to let you savour the onset of Delhi winter. Open air stage with twnkling diyas and lights.Cushions with crisp white covers on the amphitheatre seats. A slight cool breeze which coaxes you to snuggle into your shawl. An atmosphere brimming with the expectation of experiencing a magical evening. It was and everything more. As the Sufi music festival Ruhaniyat was ushered in by the strains of Punjabi shabad I was struck by the purity and strength in the voice of the singers. There was a grainy softness in the voice of the Kashmiri singers and earthy foot tapping melody in the songs from Rajasthan. The Egyptian group had everyone clapping and was a joy to witness because one could see how much they were enjoying performing. And if this was not enough the riveting performance of the Baul singer held me enthralled by the sheer elemental quality of her voice. Music, art and dance performances are truly experiences which go beyond  human language. They give a glimpse into the soul of the universe and beyond.

Can you laugh at yourself?

To be able to laugh at yourself is a gift. It's a unique ability to to be able to put the the other person with  whom you are, at ease.It's a lethal combination of modesty and humorous self-confidence which makes you extremely likeable as an individual.It lets you show vulnerability without weakness and encourages others to empathize with you. Then why is it that some of us are so scared of practicing this? What is it that makes us so straitlaced and boringly proper? Maybe it's because we are inwardly very insecure and try too hard to fit in with the crowd that we take every comment as outright criticism or compliment. I think we need to go easy on ourselves and rediscover the ability to have at our expense rather shredding others to pieces.

Why are we critical?

Sometime back I found myself fretting about something which someone else was choosing to do. I myself was surprised at my reaction and couldn't figure out why. After a lot of contemplation and soul searching the reason hit me with an impact of a speeding truck.We are almost never really bothered what people do if they are not within the ambit of our self definition. Close family and friends are people who we use to benchmark our positioning in life and we desire the comfort of sameness & familiarity from this group. Anyone who dares to do
things differently or hold contrasting opinion is immediately open to criticism. It is self-preservation mechanism
to guard and uphold the thinking "I am right". What makes us the custodians of deciding what is right and wrong?
This is a childish and immature way of living life.To really be mature and grownup means accepting that our reference group of self definition will have individuals who will choose to behave and do things differently and that diversity should be a source of rich experiences rather insecurities and criticism. Our self  has more depth and color the more we expose it to broader range of experiences.

Feeling blue?

There are days when one is emotionally tired and depleted.There is that need for solitude and peace.You just want to be by yourself without the pressure of being sociable.You don't want want to think, feel or control anything.You just want to be.These are the days when we are in maximum touch with our inner being.These days are not to be feared or dreaded as the low ones of your life but the ones to be celebrated.I say this because these are the days you engage in self-reflection and take stock of of your journey so far without the need for immediate action. Its the time to break  from the complexities of life and give your mind a rest from constant thinking, planning and control. Let go. The earth will not stop spinning. Its the closest one can get to having a spiritual experience.

What is your biggest weakness?

We all have our own particular devils to face.What might be my weakness might be your strenght or a matter so inconsequential that you hardly think about it. There is a long list of human weaknesses ( wealth,jealousy, anger etc) but one which afflicts  majority of us is our children. We maybe the most happening and successful people on the face of this planet but when it comes to our children we are so vulnerable. We worry about their future, fret about their health, are concerned about their self esteem, keep an eagle eye on the kind of friends they cultivate, can't tolerate any third party criticism directed towards them, want them to achieve the best, we take pride in their in all their accomplishments from the the time they are toilet trained and see the progress in their lives as an indirect validation of our success ultimately. It is soo..... scary. At some point in time we have to learn to let go of our expectations for their future and the severe the psychological link through which we take vouyeuristic pride in their accomlishments. It is only then we can be begin to be their life coaches and train them to get up every time they fall, to persevere in giving their best and to become the kind of person that they are proud of as a human being.

Joy

Swaying and dancing
dark green tree tops
against bue grey skies.

Rhythm, music
filling the air.

Chirps, twitters
and
fluttering grey wings.

Pelting raindrops
drowning
footsteps of creeping thoughts.

A moment of
just being alive
A moment of
just being
A moment of pure joy.

Anjali Kumar

Do you know what you definitely want in your life?

There are so many things that we know that we don't want in our lives but rarely think of the things that we definitely want for sure. I decided that I am going to make a list of the things that I know I want in my life, these are things I would want if God was kind enough to give me choice. Well here goes since it is a long list.

• An instinct for knowing there is a force, power bigger and everloving than us.Spirituality in short.
• Strength to do the right thing always and that too with compassion.
• Ability to forgive and forget.
• Balance in all aspects of life. Want the right amount of everything- health & sickness, wealth  & scarcity, success & failure.
• A solid foundation of a large, loving family and trustworthy friends.
• Talent and appreciation for music, dance, art and writing. An abundance of creativity.
• Intellectual capacity to appreciate the written word of the finest minds.
• Confidence, hard working nature along with perseverence.
• A sense of humour and ability to laugh at oneself.
• Want to be physically attractive without being vain.
• Insight to learn from mistakes and experiences.
• Opportunity to travel around the world.
• A zest for life.

Go ahead make your own list and see how much is already there.

Where are we searching?

Each one of us has our own special dreams and desires which motivate us to live our lives the way we do and we spend of our lives searching, hunting and running to fulfill them.If we had the right address  from where we could order our dreams we would save so much time and energy in looking for them in the wrong places.Do you go to a fastfood eatery to experience fine dining? Do you go to an opthamologist when you have a dental problem? Do you head to the mall when you want companionship? If we do something so stupid how can we find what we really want. Yet we do it all the time. We look for important things in life in the wrong places and doing the wrong things.We want good health and self image but we run after size zero. We want to connect emotionally wth people yet we flaunt our success when they are struggling. We want less stress in our lives yet we are benchmarking our achievements against others. We want lasting joy and purpose in life yet we dive into mindless material indulgences which give temporary high. We are bored and we fill our social calender so that we busier and lonlier than ever. We want fun and adventure yet we never try something we haven't done before.We want a hopeful future yet we are stuck in past recriminations and are unconciously living the present. What we want is somewhere else than where and how we seek it. Get it right and see how you soar.

What is the purpose of existence?

Every once in a while I tend to wander down a path of inner reflection where I question the purpose for which I am here.Most of you who read this will probably go" Yieeeks " and say just leave this heavy duty stuff and chill out.Yes, but for a compulsive novice, budding philosopher this question is really alluring and I am sure somewhere in your private solitary moments you have pondered on it too.I wish I knew what is expected of me.I wish I knew what I am supposed to learn and accomplish.I wish I knew what my real goal in life is.I really do feel envious of some people who seem to have it all together, sorted out in nice little packets ,their entire life.What about a few like me who are leading perfectly good lives but are beset with questions which seem to loom in front of them? I am assuming if the universe is not sending out personal e-mails stating the purpose of our lives in black and white then it is perfectly fine to create one for ourselves as we evolve or simply just live our lives as an adventure to be relished with courage and creativity. The end result of our lives is only known to the unknown so we should enjoy the freedom given to us to decide how we want to experience the journey of our life-- either we resist the flow of the universe or go along with it. My guess is go with the flow.

Ever feel foolish about certain decisions?

Sometimes we take certain decisions that  later prod us as being foolish and impractical, and wreck our peace with doubts, sadness and regret. I recently bought a beautiful painting which I had requested my cousin to paint for me.Since I wanted a large sized one she told me that four sheets of handmade paper would need to be joined and the joint would be there.Somehow hoping that the joints would get camafloged I told her to proceed with the work. However, after getting it home I regretted my decision and kept looking at the joints. I felt foolish and unhappy with myself. Then I decided to change the way I look at the painting and get honest with myself. As i looked at it I realized hat it was a beautiful piece with amazing colour combination which lit up the lobby. The joints were there but not so visible from a distance and in no way diminish the beauty of the work. If I distanced myself from the need to have a perfection  so that others could admire it then I was at peace.Yes, I probably could have opted for smaller size at hindsight but life is about making choices and learning to live with them happily. So, I choose to live with a large painting with certain imperfections but otherwise perfect because it is colorful and happy in totality.Its the whole that counts not the parts.

How do you start your day?

As I groggily reach my hand out for my daily morning fix of green tea my better half switches on the TV to listen to the news.I close my eyes tightly trying to decide whether i should drink my tea in silence or pour it down his neck. I love my man dearly but his need to be informed about what has happened in the world while he was sleeping, first thing in the morning, is something I just cannot fathom. I think the way we start our day is very significant as it leaves its impact on how we  feel as our day unfolds with life's challenges.Getting deluged with news events of everything that is going wrong in our world from corruption, environmental disasters,violence, inflation, dirty politics, accidents to an entire gamut of human misery is something I don't really find very palatable early morning.When we get up in the morning we need to feel safe, happy and hopeful about our lives and the world we live in. We need a dose of happiness to infuse our lives with enthusiasm so that we can step out and face the tough and challenging world outside.What we need is time to meditate, to listen to soothing music, exercise, read a prayer and listen to positive efforts being made by individuals, organisations and countries. So go change your mornings.

Are you changing the world for better?

Ever thought of how you plan to do this? Lot of us don't because we are just content to live our lives and think this is too humongous a task for a single individual.We all are so busy pursuing success and the business of living that we have forgotten that we can alter the world for the better.One of the biggest motivators in life is the feeling that we make a difference and are needed. Its the feeling of being part of the bigger picture and having a purpose in life. We commit the mistake of substituting this motivator with the concept of money and success and then suffer the consequences of disillusionment. Purge this thought and witness the change in your life. Take care that you aim to make a positive impact and your ego doesn't seek to be noticed. The change that you seek can be one small step at a time. It can be as simple as teaching a child/adult or financing a poor childs education, sharing your skill or expertise to enable self employment for someone, helping out at local the NGO, impacting the environment by not littering, walking short distances,recycling, consuming less energy etc, putting your best attitude forward by being more understanding, compassionate, helpful, patient and cheerful.  Every little gesture of yours has  ripple effect making it into a wave and the contentment experienced by making a positive difference in the world through your thoughts, deeds, gestures, time, money and advocacy is incomparable.

Wish every day were a holiday?

Am back after a long hiatus. Had been away holidaying and now am back with a thud to mother earth. I think I truly live from one holiday to the next. I desperately seek the next break and plan for it like its the sole cause of living. Holidays are magical moments of our lives because they bring out the best in us. We are happy, upbeat and raring to enjoy every second of that time. Talk about living in the present and savouring every second-- holidays epitomize that. They give us the opportunity to be free from from all stresses( professional or otherwise), the chance and the luxury to spend our day the way we want to, the leisure to reflect on our life and the pleasure of spending quality time with our loved ones. Its important to take these breaks from ones routine life as they are rejuvenating and restore  the vitality and enthusiasm to take on the humdrum, mind numbing grind of daily life with refreshed vengeance.Don't we wish we could live every day like that. But I suppose that is like asking for the moon. So chill out now and then to acquaint yourself with the finest part of you and the memory making moments of your lives.

Why do we fear exposing our vulnerabilities?

To acknowledge your insecurities, weaknesses, fears, inadequacies, doubts and negativities in front of others is unimaginable. We are conditioned to believe that exposing a chink in the armour of perfection and success that we build around ourselves would lead to its crumbling like the fall of the Roman Empire. We have learnt to build a protective wall of "been there and done that"  plus" know it all" attitude epitomising confidence to save ourselves from ridicule and rejection. Even as I write and share my thoughts on various things that come to my mind there are well meaning queries about how life is faring for me.We are not at all used to sharing or being transparent about anything remotely personal concerning our lives apart from the superficial stuff. Anyone doing so is a cause for concern. To strip yourself naked of pretensions and have the courage and honesty to share deeper intimate thoughts and opinions helps us to connect with others in a more authentic way. An atmosphere of trust and kinship is created by being vulnerable.Yes, the fear that some people might take advantage of our vulnerabilites is there but why should we be anything less than our true self for the fear of others.Why should we deny ourselves of finding true friends just because of our fears?

Desperate to escape city life?

The dream of staying in a small city or town far away from the pressures, demands, stresses, pollution, selfish individualism and cutthroat competitiveness of life in a metro is soooo tempting.The dream holds out the promise of living in simplicity,without trying tooo hard to be better , smarter, richer and savvier.The idea itself seems as delicious as a warm chocolate cupcake. But how practical it is for most us to manage to achieve it with our livelihoods being restricted to cities and I truly don't know how much of this dream will hold good and deliver.Those of us who have lived in cities all their lives often tend to romanticise the small town life and forget that we are pampered creatures who are used to certain conveniences and ways of city life which we may find hard to give up. But that doesn't mean that the need to escape from the frustration of our surroundings, live more authentically without pretensions is not real.To be able to do that in the same existing environment means that we have strong emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to be able to deal with the never ending onslaught of demands made on us.Its easier to escape to physical solitude to get some control over the stresses as compared to living in the madness of it all and achieve a modicum of psychological space of peaceful perspective on your life.

Is materialism corrupting ?

Majority of the people live life as if they are in a race to accumulate the best possible of possessions and experiences in comparison to the rest of their social and family circle.They throughly enjoy the chase and the adrenalin rush of achieving the next coveted thing.Some, indulge in the the painful self dissecting act of introspection and try to rise above the enticements of materialism either due to a gap between their income and aspirations( a practical approach) or due to pursuit of intellectualism and spiritualism. Others justify their desires by giving them a cloak of acceptability under the garb of societal pressure, expectations,self esteem needs,value addition, investment etc. Whatever ones attitude to accumulation of possessions, I wonder why we feel guilty about it? It is not as if the fault lies in the things that we desire.Its the motivation behind the desire that defines the nature of your personal materialism binge. Striving to have enough money to have financial security and independence, creating value in the form of enterprise, helping others and creating more meaningful experiences in life and sometimes indulging in wanting to own someting because of its beauty( whether a car,a dress or a piece of jewellery) cannot be termed as materialism. But pursuing money for the sake of money and using it to prop up our self esteem or seek happiness through endless purchasing is mindless materialism which corrupts our spirit.

What are the marks of modernity?

Modernity touches the social, economic, religious and political fabric of our lives in many ways.It is a concept of being time conscious in terms of present or todays world and is supposed to inherently encompass a new rationalized progressive thinking.When I read about honour killings, dowry deaths,obnoxious amounts being spent on opulent weddings,casteism etc. I wonder at the contradictions that are apparent in our so called fast developing society and economy(even if its geographically scattered and limited).Economically we seem to have embraced the trappings of modernism in every possible way. Our sartorial and brand preferences, fascination with latest technology from cell phones, flat screens, fanciest cars to latest gadgets to home decor, every visible manifestation is there to reflect upward mobility on the social ladder and how we are in sync with the times.People find it easier to adopt cosmetic changes in outward appearances to reflect modernity in their lifestyle and choices but unfortunately remain resistable to any change in their thinking especially when it comes to social relationships, interactions and traditions. One needs to scratch and look beneath the surface veneer of modernism to really understand the dynamics of conservatism and traditionalism operating in a the mental framework of the society.There has to be a combination of education, exposure to other social systems and courage to question,challenge,change and give up set traditions,customs and closed mindsets of the society.The only true mark of modernity is the nature of thought process of an individual or society-- how liberal, unbigoted, tolerant, flexible and free thinking one is.

How busy are you?

I am always thankful for a day which has been happily busy without moments of boredom.The saying "Idle mind is a devils workshop" is true because a mind without focus, purpose,agenda,goals and hopeful plans for the future is a recipe for depression and a disastrous life. A purposefully engaged mind on the other hand is a source of high self esteem and contentment. However, in todays technologically advanced times of cellphones and laptops the need and pressure to be constantly available 24x7x365 has become like a dog collar. There is no demarcation between personal and professional time and commitments, due to constant e-mails, messaging and phone calls.More and more of us in professionally demanding careers are on the way to an early burnout due to overloading of our minds. Now the funny thing is that at the other end of the spectrum there are specific categories of people with more than extra time on their hands-- young teens,retirees and housewives, who long for mentally stimulating activities. So busy bees and the idle Toms face issues of not being able to engage their minds in the ideal way.One of the biggest challenges of life is to keep your mind engaged in ways that allow you to feel happy and live your best life.The trick is to find the right mix of activities-- -creatively & spiritually fulfilling, intellectually challenging, physically strengthening and some just plain good old fun. Let your mind have a balanced diet of serious reading, frivolous retail therapy, concentrated report analyses, carefree nail art creativity, intense decision making and mindless farmville. The more varied the minds engagement, the happier you.

Do we celebrate the peaks or the flatlands of our lives?

Marking personal milestones of our lives is important because it ushers in happiness and makes us feel proud of our accomplishments.We need to share these moments with friends, family and wellwishers because happiness when shared gets multiplied.However, the emphasis should be on marking these events than on what we do and how we do it. One can choose to light a candle and say a prayer,go out for a celebratory dinner, spend quality time with the family, go on a vacation, donate for a cause or go whole hog and throw a statemant making party reflecting your style and financial status.Whatever we choose to do we need to remember that even though these are important peaks of our lives we will be remembered not for these but the integrity and the attitude that we have maintained on a daily basis in our lives.Its the daily rigour of traversing the flatlands of our lives which in reality is the determinant of the success our life is rather than the the few and far between high points.

Who are we ?

We witness various types of energies like gravitational,kinetic,heat, electrical,nuclear,solar etc and their change into other forms daily in our lives.The law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed though it can move around and change form.As I read this basic law of physics there is a moment of incredulous wonder and spiritual insight. The same words seem to be used to define our SOUL -- something that doesn't take birth or die.It is eternal and changes form in the shape of a new body with rebirth.For a moment let this sink in and you'll agree that that there is enough scientific fact staring in our faces that we are Energy Beings.And like all energy forces having an electromagnetic field we too have a field of electromagnetic vibrations or waves which interact with the universal web of energy.So we are vibrating masses of energy capable of interacting, influencing and determining the the quality of energy manifesting in our lives.

Is this world truly an illusion or Maya as The Gita states?

One often wonders what the world being an illusion means and the rational mind seeks a scientific explanation for these eternal truths.Illusion or maya means something that is not what it seems to be or deception.Now, if we look at our world everything from plant, animal, rock, wood, metal to humans is nothing but atoms of various elements arranged in different combinations. Water is two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen and carbon dioxide is one atom of carbon and two of oxygen. Similarly, every substance is a combination of different atoms. If we enlarge an atom to the size of a room then the nucleus is nothing but a speck barely seen by the naked eye. The rest of the space in the atom is empty except for the subatomic particles electrons revolving around the nucleus.So, at the atomic level everything in our world seems to be vast empty space with energy (as the basis of interaction between atoms is electrical energy) and has no defined concept of physicality or form. Therefore, a table is not really a table if we take it apart to the subatomic state and the same holds true for us humans and other things.Then doesn't the statement that this word is an illusion stand true?

How should we celebrate?

Celebration is not only a form of self expression of personal happiness but unfortunately has become a social statement.At the risk of sounding like a party pooper, I feel celebration has become tedious affair of fulfilling and meeting a myriad of social expectations.Yes, we need to celebrate minor and major events of life but in todays consumerist, personality driven, status conscious society celebrating occasions has become a gargantuan display of wealth and one upmanship. People forget that that the ability to be able to afford a certain level of luxurious entertainment doesn't necessarily mean one has to indulge in it to the fullest possible extent and then also subject others to that.They don't realise that this sets unconscious social guidelines of aspirations which others might not be interested in following or be able to afford, but buckle down under societal pressure.Also there are some who might start thinking that this is the way things should be done and follow blindly irrespective of the affordability factor.Why can't celebrations be quite personal moments of joy shared with dear ones instead of a carnival of hundreds of acquaintances, friends and relatives?We need to step up as individuals with courage to go against the tide and re- establish less ostentatious and more meaningful ways of celebrating.

APPRECIATION

The way
you make me feel
when you walk into the room
reflects why
I treasure my life with you.


The confidence
that you have in me
to attempt the impossible
reflects why
I treasure my life with you.


The little things
you do to make me feel cherished
reflects why
I treasure my life with you.


The understanding
that you give more than you seek
reflects why
I treasure my life with you.



ANJALI KUMAR

How do we do personal innovation?

Once our formal education is over few of us persevere with a passion to continue to educate and improve ourselves.Over the years we settle ourselves in a safe and predictable rhythm of life neglecting to stretch the limits of our intellectual and experiential capacity.This stifling of our natural instinct for change breeds symptoms of boredom,apathy and intellectual dwarfism pushing us to indulge in constant pleasure seeking gratification than personal growth.We need to prevent this atrophy of the mind and paralysis of personal development.The only way to get out of this quagmire of ignorance and inaction is to push ourselves to bring about changes and explore new ideas by attempting new things and doing old things differently,in short,we need to innovate in our lives.The first step to personal innovation is to deconstruct ourselves completely so that we can rise above our self limiting perceptions.In other words get rid of the words "I cannot".For example, if you have a desire to become a landscaping artist(assuming you currently don't have any formal qualification) then get rid of all the self defeating doubts and convince yourself that you can do this.Ask yourself "What do I lose and what do I gain? You lose the fear of failure and gain the confident wisdom of experience. Second step is to let your imagination and enthusiasm break the barriers of knowledge and experience by asking "How do I do this?" For this train yourself to be acutely observant of all new developments not only in your field of interest but related fields also, read broadly to understand and evaluate the same and test yourself by getting new experiences.For a landscape artist that could translate as getting to know the latest techniques and applications, visiting unique locations displaying the same, arming oneself with a sound knowledge of landscaping material and greens, volunteering help where ever possible, joining specific organisations etc.The third step would be to ask "Who can help?" This is extremely important as we can do all the above and still not succeed if don't have people with the relevant knowledge,experience, shared enthusiasm and vision to guide us.Surround yourself with those who can motivate and challenge you.Going solo is never beneficial as none of us is perfect enough to possess all the qualities required to achieve success in our goals.Lastly, identify your accomplishments as a person on the basis of your courage to incorporate change in your life and who you evolve into.Revel in the metamorphosis.

REGRETS

The gaps
and
distances
in our relationship
is the pain
we have to face.

They inflict
an emptiness
we
cannot erase.

We change
for the worse
more guarded
and
insensitive
refusing to forgive
ourselves
and
others.


ANJALI KUMAR

Does intellectualism encourage liberalism and atheism?

Intellectualism mainly involves a reasoning and questioning mental attitude. Intellectuals want to probe and ask all the scientific process questions of how, what, where and why.They automatically seek freedom to pursue different thoughts, beliefs, practices and assumptions.So they are liberal (I am not referring to political liberalism) in the sense that they adhere to the tenets of freedom or liberty.Now atheism is non-belief in the concept of a single omnipotent and omnipresent
single entity called God as the creator of this universe.This is probably due to a scientific mind seeking evidence and proof for the same.And since that doesn't seem to be coming, they don't want to go along with centuries old religious beliefs and practices propounding the God concept. Intellectuals want free thinking and experimentation to determine their own beliefs.Seems fine to me.Belief or non-belief doesn't matter as long as you follow the right moral ethics of humanity.
However, as a believer it is always comforting to know that you are not alone and someone is looking out for you, plus, its a sobering thought for those tempted to go down the wrong path that divine, final justice is there.

How to handle troubled relationships?

Relationships are an intrinsic part of our lives and a large determinant of how happy we are.Relationships matter,because they are like the wind beneath our wings which help us to soar in our personal and professional lives.Even then most of us are plagued by difficult relationships whether at work or at home.Ideally one should discuss the problem with concerned individuals but that is not always possible because we are afraid of reactions or not wlling to fulfill their expectations.So, one should have certain mental techniques to deal with this.A major reason for damaged or troubled bonds is that we want people to be different from what they are.We want them to think,talk and behave the way we do.The expectation is that they follow our value system and live up to our our expectations from them as per the role the play in our lives(as friends, working colleagues, spouse,siblings ,in-laws, offspring, neighbours,parents, countrymen).The interaction would be much smoother if we accepted others as they are and acknowledge the differences as the "nature of things". Secondly, we should refuse to give the power to influence our peace of mind and serenity to individuals who affect us negatively.If people have a can of worms in their minds why would one want expose themselves to its toxicity.If there is a contentious issue in their mind then its their responsibility to sort it out not yours.Thirdly, difficult relationships are tied to unpleasant memories of the past.So, why let them cloud your present by constantly replaying them in your mind.Forgive and forget.If thats not possible then at least forget. Fourthly,give yourself the gift of not disliking any person or situation intensely as it involves a lot of energy and can be emotionally draining.Its better to be indifferent or neutral leaving a window open for reconciliation in the future.It's better to focus your energies and attention on things and people that are working for you in a positive way rather than on ones that aren't.

What is the nature of human beings?

We are a confused lot.Most of us tend to identify our selfworth with the job or the work we do for a living.It is a crucial part of our identity but not the complete identity.It is the part most visible to the world outside and all the fanfare that goes along with it makes us feel good and important but it is only the tip of the iceberg. Like 90% of the iceberg is hidden underwater, the major part of our identity is hidden in the close relationships of our lives and in the spiritual nature of our being. Somehow, as we grow older we keep focusing on the visible tip while giving stepmotherly treatment to the invisible part of our nature and identity.The part which is embedded in different relationships drifts along on automatic pilot,instead of us taking a conscious decision to examine its health and nurture it.The deepest and the most significant part, that of a spiritual entity, is either blatantly ignored or lost in following mindless religious practices and dogmas.We do everything to nourish the body, mind and heart by following a healthy lifestyle, expanding our knowledge and skills base and building an efficient network of relationships but what do we do to nourish the spirit? We can have the best job,financial abundance and a broad fabric of relationships but the absence of basic principles and ethics which feed the soul will leave us like a ship without an anchor.

NATURE OF CONTEMPLATION

The rhythm
Of
pensive contemplation
is like
still waters.
The flow
deeper, heavier
and
slower to ebb.

Why jump
into them
when shallow waters
of carefree reflections
are
brighter, safer
and
of engaging nature.

Maybe ‘cause
the dangerous depths
of still waters
bring luminous insight
into self & beyond
of me.


ANJALI KUMAR

WAITING FOR INSPIRATION

Do you mind
stopping by
and
knocking on my door
I’m waiting
like a lover forlorn.

What do I say
What do I do
to make you
pass by
my abode again.

Lets try
maybe we’ll be
on the same page again.

Just don’t let
your friend success
create a rift
between us
in vain.




ANJALI KUMAR

What you should look for in your work?

The work we do is an extension of our self so it is imperative that we choose it carefully.The relationship that we share with our work or the service we render is as significant,complicated and intense as with our personal relationship with our human life partner.Essentially the things that we look for in both are the same-- character and personality.In the competitive and morally deprived times of today we get seduced by the personality ethics of the job like power & influence, glamour & charm, public image and social recognition/ acceptance. However,these traits only feed our ego and bring only temporary success.For our relationship with our work to be long lasting and satisfying at a deeper level the nature of the "service we render" and the people we collaborate to do it with should help us integrate character ethics like integrity, honesty, fairness,high self esteem, nobleness,generosity, giving back to society etc. into our lives as much as possible.As parents, educators,counsellors,administrators and managers we need to realise that character ethics form the basis of our work.It is what builds us up as individuals and gives meaning and purpose to our work life.Ideally it would be great if we could have a healthy combination of both personality and character ethics in our work but if not possible then character wins hands down.

Can contentment and discontent coexist?

Contentment with the present moment is the secret of truly living happily.However,being at peace with the present moment doesn't mean absence of motivation to do better.One can be content and still be looking forward to new experiences in the future.This uneasiness which pushes us to strive for an enhanced experience of life is discontent.So discontent is good when its the source of constant quest for improvement and reformation of the present situation. Also it can coexist with contentment and they are not mutually exclusive.The opposite of contentment is the absence of peace and happiness in the present moment rather than discontent.It is discontent which prevents stagnation,prods us into striving for personal growth and setting a higher bar of aspiration for ourselves.

PURITY

When
you walk into
my personal space
respect it.

Leave
all your
negativities
and
prejudices
at the door.

Walk in
clean,
pure
and
transparent
so that
I can see you
and
you can see me
as
we were meant
to be.


Anjali Kumar

NO PROMISES

He made no promises
of saying
Yes
to wants and desires.
But he promised
to give
what we need.


He made no promises
of freeing
us from hardships and pain.
But he promised
to give
choices at every step.


He made no promises
of bestowing
requited love and everlasting happiness.
But he promised
to give
unlimited capacity to share.


He made no promises
of ensuring
life would be fair.
But he promised
to give
justice in his kingdom.


He made no promises
of liberty
from uncomfortable and painful feelings.
but he promised
to give
the challenge of inner reflection.

Can we separate our aspirations from our ego?

To live in denial about the presence of your ego or in ignorance of its existence, both attitudes are self defeating in achieving your aspirations.Many of our dreams and desires are influenced by the times and the society we live in.The desire may vary in scale from the longing for the limited edition of a designer watch,first time ownership of a car to contesting elections for the highest political office in the country-- but they all are arise from our ego which gets its nourishment and identity from the social and economic systems we inhabit.If we are honest with ourselves then to delink our dreams and desires from our ego is a mammoth,uphill task.And if we are successful in doing so then we can classify ourselves as monks.On the other hand to live hedonistically as a slave to our ego's demands would be to devalue our soul and the higher purpose ones life.We need to strike a balance somewhere in between recognising the presence and the influence of the ego, and giving in to its demands with an alert discerning mind.This is one of the spiritual tests, of decontaminating our soul from materialism, we have to take as humans and pass it with flying grades.

What is happiness?

I know one thing for sure that happiness is a determined choice to feel upbeat and good in our lives. It is not something that happens in the future if certain conditions are fulfilled.It is action and thought in present tense.It requires the hard work of introspection to understand that "why" we do things is more important than "what" we do.Happiness needs constant effort in continuing to believe ,in the magic, that our lives are being lived under the guidance of forces beyond our control and comprehension.It is experiencing positive emotions by engaging in sharing, inspiring,empowering,making a difference in the lives of others and in the process growing yourself.Happiness is in accepting the unpredictabilities of life with grace, dignity and humour. It is unquantifiable and cannot be benchmarked against the joys of others but engages the creative process of having dreams and goals for yourself.Just having something to look forward to is enough to engage us in tiny bubbles of joy filled actions to make our dreams come true.Happiness is in those courageous bubbles of potential that we create in our lives.

FRUGALITY

To be
frugal in dreaming
is to
limit your potential.


To be
frugal in affections
is to
limit your joy.

To be
frugal in forgiving
is to
limit your peace.


To be
frugal in adventure
is to
limit your experience.


To be
frugal in compassion
Is to
limit your humanity.


ANJALI KUMAR

What is reality?

Reality is what we see,experience and feel.Is your reality the same as mine?Is the reality of a gazzele grazing in open African grassland the same as that of a lioness crouching in the tall grass waiting to pounce on her? Is the reality faced by a tiger in the zoo the same as that of one in the widerness?Has the reality faced by the Homo Sapien species been the same over the centuries? There doesn't seem to be an abolute, constant reality for everyone.Reality is influenced by our early conditioning of childhood and youth which impacts our attitude, behaviour and ethics which we carry into adulthood.We in turn then have our own perceptions of the world, create our own experiences and the reality as we face it.To have a broader, indepth and varied perception of reality we need to break free of preconcieved perceptions, attitudes and behaviour.In simpler terms we need to keep challenging ourselves with a different vision of how things can happen.Creativity and innovation is the answer.From a spiritual point of view if we can put ourselves in the shoes of others, that is,be able to empathise with anothers circumstances,that is also a way of glimpsing a different reality.Maybe, God gives each of us different life experiences so that we can learn to empathise understand that there is no one reality.

Are you plagued by self doubts?

Whenever we embark on a new venture there is the promise of excitement,adventure and new learnings.Yet, at the same time there is this gnawing fear of how the outside world would percieve, accept and appreciate the tryst with your dreams.This fear is not about your capabilities or enthusiasm to attempt the impossible but the fear of judgement and living upto the expecations of others.Also, along with the fear is the ego wanting recognition and applaud further complicating the emotional mess one already is in.So how does one deal with this? When a painter paints he has a vague mental vision of what his painting might look like and he paints one stroke at a time,sometimes repainting over the past strokes and painstakingly completes the canvas.While he is in the process of painting does he constantly keep thinking about what the finished painting would look like,which art gallery would display it, what kind of reviews it would get or what its market worth would be.He just focuses on getting each stroke as perfect as possible.We too, need to just concentrate on attempting to achieve the best possible strokes for our dream.Feel free from the pressure to perform.Enjoy the journey.You will automatically arrive at the destination.

ISLANDS OF FEARS

We are
individual islands
of
love and compassion
Craving
to connect and share
yet are stopped
by invisible
fears of rejection.

We are
individual islands
of
unlimited potential
surrounded
by a sea of possibilities
yet are stopped
by invisible
fears of failure.


We are
individual islands
of
unique creativity
facing a huge canvas
striving to express
yet are stopped
by invisible
fears of ridicule.


We are
individual islands
of
courage and perseverance
attempting to do the right thing
every moment of our lives
yet are stopped
by invisible
fears of uncertain destiny.


ANJALI KUMAR

BOREDOM

Go and find your joy
in the little things you do
be like a beacon
do not brood.

What use is it
this constant need
to soar like the wind
plant your feet
on the ground
and don’t run
from experiencing
the emptiness profound.

Ride it like a wave
it is sure to crash
leaving you
to start afresh.



ANJALI KUMAR

How do we simplify our lives?

Its amazing how hectic and busy our lives are and instead of endeavouring to make them simpler we are excelling ourselves in complicating them further.The clutter that we collect in our emotional and physical space is ever increasing.Starting with the physical space the amount of things that we accumulate for comfort and self worth enhancement is tremendous.The high that we get from unbridled and unconscious consumerism is so transitory.Once the high  from one purchase subsides the search for another high starts.The addiction is self destructive.We need to control this behavior, declutter and reduce our wants.This is possible only if we are willing to be more conscious about how we choose to fill the emptiness, lack of self worth  and the absence of  goals in our lives.
The emotional space has its own culprits in the garb of difficult relationships and situations.We need to simplify our emotional lives by learning how to deal with the toxic demands made on us, by them.Running away from them is not a solution but having a neutral to positive attitude, altering our expectations to a lower level and undertaking affirmative action  can go a long way in washing the negative clutter off our minds.

How do you want your life to be judged?

Ever wondered how we have lived our lives to date and how it would be judged once we are no longer there.No one will remember us for the high profile jobs we hold, the impeccable dressing style, the fancy lifestyle,the wealth created and accumulated or the the influential social circle.The legacy that will be remembered is in the essence and quality of the roles that we have essayed in our lifetime as the member of a family, as a friend, teacher,humanitarian or a leader.Did you make a difference to someones life? Did you bring laughter into the room with your sense of humour? Did you inspire someone? Were you there as a sounding board or a compassionate listener during stressful times? Did you encourage someone to just hang on and not give up? Were you a joyful and optimistic person to be around? Were you nonjudgemental and helpful at the same time?There are innumerable roles in which we are of some use and of service to others and its that service for which we will be remembered and our life be judged.Think again.We still have time.

What is so magical about childhood?

Childhood is magical because we live that phase of our life the way our entire lives should be lived.Our happiness is linked to doing things which feed our curiosity,enthusiasm or the fun of just doing it.We try to find the end of the rainbow,hold little red ladybugs in our hands,catch the fireflies in a glass jar,colour the walls or play silly rhyming games.Happiness is linked to the action without any agenda of desire or fulfillment in future.So we actually experience the joy and fun of living in the present because we link our happiness to the action in present and not the some payoff in the future.
We lived each moment and day as it came..Ever remember planning your every free moment when you were a kid.If you were playing football and a friend suggested swimming you were ready in an instant.There was no need to control the flow the events and one easily detached oneself  from whatever one was engaged in.There was flexibility and impulsiveness at the same time.Isn't that what we want to do--relish the fun of living our lives like we did in our childhood.

 I suggest you watch this video to understand what fun is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK2RDuua54E

THE PLACE

Do you know
a place
where I can be happy?

Do you know
a place
where I can make a difference?

Do you know
a place
where I can live my best life?

Do you know
a place
where I can be myself?

Do you know
if such a place exists
or
is it a chimera?


Do you know
if it is
inside me
or
outside?

I wish
I knew the path
I wish
I could read the signs
I wish
had a guide.



ANJALI KUMAR

MINDLESS CHATTER

I wish
I could do away
this
constant flow of thoughts
in my mind.

I wish
I could do away
this
constant craving
in my heart.

I wish
I could do away
with
this constant self assessment
in my psyche.

I wish
I could do away
with
this constant desire to be needed.

I wish
I could
Just be.



aNJALI KUMAR

Why is nature so healing to the human soul?

Sitting on the banks of Kosi river and listening to the sound of its rippling flow,watching the leaves fall aimlessly from tree tops and birds gliding high in the sky I revel in the serenity.In the midst of wilderness away from the maddening noise of humanity the internal monologue of the mind subsides.The mind is quite,the egoistic "I" shedding all the self-imposed trappings of the world.One is no longer self absorbed but is deeply aware of being a part of the whole,of belonging and realising that the same core energy is flowing through you as it does through the entire universe.There is no lonliness,discontent or fear.There is the just the calm realisation that your life is about understanding that you are a part of this whole, you will ultimately merge into it and be born from it again.One experiences the meaning of "Just Being".It is meditating with all senses being acutely alive.

Can science explain the concept of God?

I have often wondered if the God concept could be explained in basic layman scientific terms.Well here is what I have understood.All matter in the universe is made up of small particles - atoms, and atoms of all elements are same.Now if the nucleus of the atom is the size of a baseball then the atom is like a baseball field with 99.9999999999999% of the it being empty and containing vast amounts of energy.So, at the atomic level all matter whether living(humans,plants and animals) or non-living is same and composed of energy in vast amount of empty space.Now,this all pervasive web of energy alongwith the consciousness of the living matter acts like a repository of the history of creation.And this(according to my personal opinion) is what we connect with as God which is invisible, immortal,omnipresent and supreme.It is this collective energy plus consciousness which manifests itself as nature and living entities (in human and animal form).

OPPORTUNITIES

Opportunities fly in
like little birds
on the window sill,
run fast
get a glimpse
or
they’ll fly away
if you’re still.

They twitter
all around
about lucky deals,
strain your ears
catch the sounds
or
they’ll fly away
if you’re not around.

Feed them morsels
of attention and creativity
or
they’ll fly away
in a jiffy.


Anjali Kumar

FEAR

The guilt
of being spared
harshness
sorrow
poverty
and
despair,
pushes me
to seek,
refuge
in the
tempting lure
of destiny.


Safety
it offers
in the belief
my blessed life
is a product
of
past deeds
and not
serendipidity.


Anjali Kumar

Do I have free will if destiny and luck are around?

This question really fuses the circuits of many minds.Existence of concepts like destiny and luck seem to imply that there is really not a lot you can control in your life.Whereas freewill seems to indicate that to a large extent we control how we live our lives and the events in it.Are these two concepts mutually exclusive? I think all these elements combine together to give direction to our lives.One has free will to choose any of the numerous paths laid out before us in life,for example, we can have ten different routes to travel from destination A to B. Destiny on the other hand defines the number of pre-determined hotels that will be there on each particular route.

And where does luck figure in?Before we do that lets consider what luck is?
Luck isn't just about being hit by lightening or winning a lottery but a
conscious mental effort to be observant and take advantage of the opportunities surrounding us. Suppose enroute to your destination a previous rundown hotel is now newly renovated and offering free breakfast
alongwith 10% discount as a promotion.Do you notice this newly renovated hotel and stop for a few minutes to check it out or drive past?If you do stop and avail of the offer you benefit.This is luck.If you don't, you miss the opportunity.So luck as a factor is brought into play largely by our mental makeup and adds to the quality of our travel experience.

Now how we choose to react to the overall journey is again our freewill.

Am I successful?

Firstly lets consider the question what is success.Mainly it is a feeling of accomplishment which we measure by payoffs like respect in the eyes of others,monetary benefits,power and self-satisfaction. However we cannot define or measure our success by comparing it with the journey and experiences of others.If we do then we are doomed to be miserable.We have to look at it by determining our own personal benchmarks and judging how far we have travelled in our own journey.Success evaluation is an internal and personal process which should take in psychological, emotional, intellectual, physical and monetary elements of the payoffs.Generally the society at large just observes the outer manifestations of the payoffs( like media visibility,financial capacity or king maker abilities) and ignores the rest of our lives biggest accomplishments. And if we also do that, then the most of our crucial achievements would amount to zero as there is no way one can monetize a happy family life,lifelong friendships,overcoming adversities by sheer courage,blemish free strong character and goodwill earned.We all have unique stories of success hidden in our seemingly ordinary lives.

HEARTBURN OF CREATIVITY

Cerebral excitement
and
consuming passion
promise of
new beginnings.

Is it possible?
Something inside
whispers
hang on
don’t give up.

What is the need
to heed?
Life is just
tougher
painful
and uphill
I find.

Yet
I hang on
clinging to my dreams
waiting
for them to soar.


ANJALIKUMAR

What is passion?

We often question why we do certain things which seem to have no percieved value.I wonder myself, what is it that prompts me to write.The rewards here are more psychological-the possibility of connecting with similar or different views and making a difference at some level to others. The desire to just share the beauty of the truth as I see it.We sometimes are forced beyond our comprehension to undertake tasks on our own accord which are not remotely monetarily rewarding but fulfill some deepseated desire and define the essence of our being.They make you go beyond the existence of self or your ego and do someting just for the sake of doing it.This is passion.

Have you met yourself?

As you grow older please make the effort to reacquaint with yourself.Over the years when we are busy trying to achieve success,prove ourselves,earn a living and look after our families we some how lose ourselves and collect a lot of other baggage.We lose the enthusiasm,vigour,dreams and aspirations, and evolve into people that we no longer recognise as what we were.Befriend the person you are today and encourage yourself to let go of limiting thoughts of what you can or cannot do.You might have the pleasant surprise of acknowledging that you have turned out better than your expectations or the realisation that there is still a lot that you want to do.Either way meet yourself.That is an appointment you cannot afford to miss.

What are you doing with your life?

Ever taken stock for a few minutes to assess how you are living your life and I am not talking about the gripes and discontentments in your professional and personal life.I am talking about the things you should be doing so that when you look back years later you don't feel you missed out on the fun of living a happy life.So what can you do to ensure you are enjoying the business of living:

*Cultivate the feeling of enthusiasm to live another day of your life,enjoy that morning cup of tea and go for a brisk morning walk.Claim the early part of the day just for yourself.Be a little selfish.
*Focus on becoming a better person than you were yesterday.Be more generous, patient, compassionate and understanding especially with the people who you think don't dserve.
*Make efforts to spend time with your family and friends.That is a glass ball you cannot afford to drop.
*Have a creative passion outside of work which gives great pleasure to pursue irrespective of monetary returns.
*Respect the body you have,don't abuse it by eating food that is unhealthy and exercise.
*Live and enjoy the present moments for what they are.Don't postpone your happiness schedule.

If you manage to do even some of this you are on the right track.

SEARCH

SEARCH

What do I seek ?
I don’t know,
racing through life,
running after something
and everything.

What do I seek ?
I don’t know,
going through the motions,
indulging in actions
and reactions.

What do I seek ?
I don’t know,
nursing a myriad of ambitions,
some achieved
and some yet to be realised.

What do I seek ?
I don’t know,
feigning to live life
to the fullest,
not knowing,
what I seek
is within.


Anjali Kumar

Are you feeling low?

If you happen to read this and are feeling low about anything in life please understand that its easy to be unhappy about many things in life.We have so many dreams and aspirations which we are constantly tying to achieve that any difficulty faced in realising them makes us emotionally vulnerable.Have patience cause you can move a mountain only one stone at a time and it takes a lot of time, effort and faith.What is important is that you are trying or tried.That is what gives your life meaning. depth and direction.

ENLIGHTENMENT

I strive to expand
the boundaries
of my person
body, mind and soul.

Luggage
I cannot carry
On crossover
I know.

Only thing I take
is the
brilliance of my soul.

So I strive
every moment,
to intensify
the internal glow.



By Anjali Kumar

Do you like yourself?

If you were to be standing naked without the crutches of your ego- the important job,the fancy car, the well toned healthy body,the enviable address and contacts,the clothes, accessories,achievements of spouse, children and self- would you recognise yourself? Would you like the being who is there? Would it be a pleasure to meet yourself? Is this person joyful,compassionate,loving,helpful,honest,courageous and authentic?

Who are you?

When asked this question the top of mind answer would include name,age, profession,marital status and family details.Probe a little more and one mentions religion,country, ethnicity,vegetarianism or non-vegetarianism,economic status etc.Further inquiry reveals likes & dislikes,habits,value and belief system.Beyond this last description there is silence.But it is this core of silence which is you.Its the silence of your consciousness as the observer of your present life that is you.The rest is the ego of your personality.

How are you?

Don't you wish people wouldn't ask this question.The best way to kill any meaningful exchange of words is to utter this query.The automatic reply is to say "Fine thankyou" when in your heart you wish you could share something more relevant and meaningful.What are those magic words that could help us to connect with each other more authentically?

Live in the present

Hope
is for
what could be
or what should be
Lament
is for
what could have been
or what should have been
Contentment
is for
what is
- By Anjali Kumar