When do you miss someone?

Last few months have been  very busy. With my twin sons taking the 12th standard board exams and then the craziness of applying to various colleges ..... Life was just revolving around the objective of ensuring that they got admitted into a good engineering college. Even though at this age kids generally need you just for food and money and lead independent social lives your daily schedule is still linked to theirs. They are the centre around which your life events revolve. Sometimes you secretly wonder what it would be like to be free of responsibilities of providing boarding and lodging to two people who don't lift a finger and live your life as you fancy. It's a very indulgent thought and makes one sigh in longing. Then the day comes and they leave. I left them at the airport early morning and came back feeling just fine. I was actually looking forward to doing a lot of things undisturbed by the demands of feeding and cleaning up the room of my sons. I automatically started setting the table for breakfast and then it hit me when I didn't set plates for them. They were gone. I realised how much of a mothers love is expressed in feeding her kids. That is when the tears came. The realisation of missing your loved ones comes at the most ordinary moments which you spent with them.

What is the biggest mystery in the universe?

I have realized the biggest mystery in the universe is deciphering yourself. It is not about discovering life in outer space, new scientific and technological inventions or God..... The mystery is US. It can take us a lifetime or many more to peel away layers of ego, misconceptions, negative emotions, false beliefs and desires to uncover what lies beneath. The journey is tough and most of the time human will to undertake it is weak. We live in denial and don't really want to experience the hardship and travails of solving this mystery. It is just easier to live on the surface of life than dive to the depths to uncover uncomfortable truths about ourselves. The journey generally starts when we face a difficult situation in our lives which arouses a negative emotion in us and we suffer because we resist. I have experienced that to let go, to surrender to the flow of time and situation is the best way to embark on the process of self-discovery. It is not easy to give up our need to control events in our lives according to our liking but sometimes that is the only way. And once we decide to ride the wave then we have to accept that to surf it like a pro we need to adapt, change and upgrade our surfing technique. That is, we need to acknowledge that the way we tackle and face our problems currently has to change. The thumb rule is that whatever we may feel or think the only way to progress is to do the right thing. No excuses. Each time we decide and do the right thing we become better at it and peel away a layer hiding our true self. 

Has your role changed in parent child relationship?

As I gain in years I see a sure, subtle change in my role as child with my parents. Earlier I would be the one to ring up my parents to share my problems in life. I would discuss, seek advice, rave and rant at the unfairness of situations and just unload myself. There was comfort in the knowledge that they are there for me come what may. I was a child confident in the assurance that there is some one who will always look out for me. As I grow older and so do my parents I see a shift in our relationship.Now I call up to not to discuss I, me , myself but them. The focus has shifted to to their life. Now I want to know if they are doing well emotionally, physically and financially. I sense their insecurity at not being able to keep pace with fast paced changes in the society-- from changing norms of social relationships to latest technology becoming a part of all our lives. Skype, facebook, twitter, SMS, BBM, mobile phones are social interactive platforms which baffle them. Now I worry when they travel alone. There is a change in me. I feel more responsible for them and don't want to trouble them with my stresses but shield them instead. Now I want them to have comfort in the assurance that I am there for them no matter what. Funny, how our roles evolve in life to ultimately become a giver in not just this relationship but every other one also.That is what growing up means.To care about others.

Ready for mountaineering?

You know, I am tired of incessantly feeling something every second of my life. I am happy, sad, angry, anxious, lonely, resentful, peaceful, content, wanting, bored, possessive, ...... there is no end to it. As our life flows we deal with people and relationships, things and materialism and circumstances/ situations, all of which bombard the senses and flood us with emotions hard to deal with. These mountains of difficult relationships, materialism and adverse situations that we face, generally we hate climbing them and avoid overcoming or challenging them as its too painful. If someone hurts us, we get angry and the immediately react according to the way we feel -- either hurt back or cut the person out of our lives. It is so much easier to give in to our feelings and act them out rather than confronting them and refusing to act them out. We want that latest high definition, biggest flat screen or any other hi tech gadget. So much easier to give into the desire to possess rather than resist the temptation. We see a person lying hurt in a road accident and look the other way hoping someone else will take him to the hospital. So much easier to walk away  than miss your important appointment. Well......  we all are guilty of letting emotions running our lives, only the degree varies from person to person. What if we refuse to give in and decide to climb the mountain. What if we decide to grow up and become strong.  We can do that by choosing to play a different card. What if we choose to face anger with calmness, fear with courage, boredom with helping others, possessiveness with letting go, the high of shopping with meeting family and friends, self- righteousness with being non-judgemental ,resentment with no expectations...........  there is no end to what we can do differently to overcome the mountain. What we feel and what we do are two different things. Each time we choose to do the right thing, we practice at becoming emotionally and spiritually stronger.

Is it holy grail to dance at weddings?

You must be wondering if I am maa.....d to even raise this question. Isn't it obvious that weddings are occasions of happiness, and music and dance is the way we express our joy and celebrate. Yes, that is true if it is spontaneous fun in a gathering of friends and family where everyone gets up to shake a leg even if you have two left feet. It is fun when the baraatis dance with crazy dance movements as if they got an epilepsy attack or you are two pegs down and rocking on the dance floor. But spare me the current trend of imitating Bollywood in real life. There is the hired coreographer who teaches the bride, the groom, the teenage cousins, the aunties and the uncles, mothers and fathers and even the grandparents if they are willing . Then this well rehearsed bunch goes on stage and gyrates to the latest Bollywood songs. Spare me the agony of being forced to witness this ludicrous performance at every big fat Indian wedding. Hellooooo..... if entertainment is the issue then please get some professionals to perform instead of trying to imitate HUM SAATH SAATH HAIN in real life. 

Can I be wrong?

This is a question I recently asked myself and accepted that I could have reacted differently in many circumstances to ensure smoother relationships. The minute this thought struck me, I realized that I am not perfect and became less judgemental about the other person. I recognized and acknowledged my personality traits in the other or realized that we are two completely different personalities. Whatever the case, noticing and understanding dissolved the anger and freed me. I no longer saw myself as the wronged, aggrieved perfectly correct person but an imperfect individual. I felt lighter and happier. I have become more forgiving of both myself and the other. I feel more complete and whole even though imperfect. And  this is better as my ego then has less control over me.

How to teach children to be strong?

In today's world where everyone is out gain advantage over you whether by fair or unfair means we all worry how our children will fare as they grow up in an overly aggressive and competitive environment. Will they collapse under pressure or learn to handle it with intelligent choices. I often worry about my kids as I think they are simple and introverted compared to a lot of other children. However, something happened today that made think that though they might not be the street smart extrovert category of teenagers, they will learn to deal with the world in their own way. This is how it goes.......
Two to three years ago D- block residents contributed for the upkeep of the D-block park. The funds and the responsibility of the park maintenance was given to two people. Now in their zealousness to prove that they could maintain a beautiful park these individuals stopped children from playing football in the park on the grounds that the plants and trees are damaged and the fear of injury to those walking nearby. When my children came home upset that they were not being allowed to play, lets say like any mother I saw RED. I then went door to door gathering support from the parents of children who played football and cricket to oppose this. Meetings were held and we argued that being a public park the children had the right to play what ever they wanted. No individual could dictate how the park is to be used. We also suggested that timings could kept for sport activities,  small fence be put around the hedges to prevent damage and children be told to be careful that the ball should not hit the walkers. But to no avail. These individuals argued that it was an ornamental park and advised that kids be enrolled in professional football or cricket academies if they and we were so keen that they play these games. I for the life of me cannot understand these utterly idiotic arguments. However, since then this issue has persisted with no clear resolution. Recently, a month ago the children were stopped again and I was fed up so I told them to go to another park. Now comes the interesting part, they talked with their friends and found out about a High Court verdict for a similar kind of issue in Rajinder Nagar which states that no differentiation can be made between one who chooses to do yoga, exercises or involve in a ball game in community parks.They have got a printout of the verdict and plan to share it with those opposing them.
What I am really happy about is that they did not back down after I got tired of fighting against continuous opposition, they thought strategically and planned to  fight for their right with facts. I don't know how this will pan out but am pleased with their mature response.It proves that kids do as you do and not as you say.
If we have to teach them to be strong then we do that by being so ourselves.